I think these thoughts

What will my memories of this time be like 10, 5 or even 2 years from now? I am a very positive person. It seems even the times that were the darkest to me shine like bright stones in the river bed when enough time has been allowed to pass. This time now isn’t particularly dark. It has been full of good, bad and monotony. I watch them play, trying to capture a moment in time to remember. What will I hold on to?  There are several memories that stick out as the best right now. I wonder what emotions will carry over. They tan as dark as native Americans in the summer. Each one decorated with the white designs of their swimsuits on their backs. A ghostly reminder of winter on their tiny bodies. Even though it is just us now, we manage to fill the days. They still want to be with me and do what I am doing. The oldest less now. She has entered the age where parents cease to be all knowing. She knows I make mistakes and am wrong sometimes. She also knows that she has a strong will and tests it against me frequently. I try to fill the days with friends and activities, sometimes feeling as if we are carrying on in a post apocalyptic time. That it is just me and them alone in the world. I feel that soon the pretending will stop. I will have to stop pretending that they are mine forever and learn to enjoy a new life without their tiny laughter and bickering in the back seat of our station wagon. I will have to learn to be me instead of mom.