Camping

Here's some pics from our camping trip as well. We went out to CJ strike first and had a great time and then when we were told NO DOGS ALLOWED we high tailed it up to Idaho City for the rest of the trip. The van and I weren't keen on a second trip but it ended up okay besides the drive up. Hippety hop hippety hop while the van vaporlocked and choked to death on it's own fumes. Sometimes I hate that car. The kids all got really sunburned cause I didn't reapply the sun screen enough. I felt bad about that... it really started to show after we got home. Bad bad mom. Dogs had a blast... Lilly was suprisingly well behaved, she stayed near me at all times and even waited outside the restroom for me when I left her outside. Leo did his usual investigation of the other campers and loped slowely through the water. He was a true water dog... could never convince him to stay out of it.

more pics of everyone

B*tchy morning

It's 11:30, lunch time for the "twins" Ruby and Dwain are gone to get her 6 month immunizations even though she is 8 months old. I didn't sleep again last night. I am listening to the twins fight over a sandwitch even though I gave them two. Two two two... two of everything. I call them the twins cause they even look alike. It is strange having two toddlers in the house, they are forever fighting... and competing. Ava has a competative nature that she must have inhereted from her dad. Quinn does also. So it goes like this.. who can scream the loudest? who can whine the loudest? who can laugh the loudest? who can bang the loudest toy? Who can get milk first, whose clothes are cuter. (they make me point to the pictures on their shirts and tell them who it is.. then they fight over who gets to go first) OH yeah... and my ever favorite... WHO CAN MAKE THE BIGGEST MESS? The chips are still out on that one... my house looks like a diapered tornado has been through it. Dwain isn't very good at keeping up on it and doesn't paticularly care... i do... I have to say that my home is one of my small little anal control issues. I must have a clean .. cleanish home.
Here's some pics of the twins from the park. They look lovely together.

Leo

Kind spirit, watchful soul.



Ever patient waiting to clean up after the last morsel had fallen.

you protected each one of my babies as if they were your own. Always tolerant of tail pulling and too hard hugs. You allowed them to climb in your dish as you ate even though I scrambled to get them back out. Never a harsh thought in your head as they sat on your favorite pillow. I know you loved us as we loved you and I hate to say goodbye.

you've been there since the beginning, and I somehow thought you would be there at the end. I took for granted the short time allowed with you and instead thought you were a permanent fixture in our home and hearts.
I miss you

You let go of life with the same grace and beauty that you lived it. I knew that day in the kitchen, tearfully accepting your gifts with my name on them, I knew from that fervent glow in your eyes. I knew that you were letting go of things with a peacful love and that these gifts were gifts from your heart. You were taking care of things that you could and letting go of the rest. I loved you dearly with every bone in my body. I know you felt the same. There is always that awkward silence near the end. When the work of living becomes more than the work of letting go. You had reached this point I know.

You are right you know... there are babies all over this house. This house has become a safehold for memories where tiny footprints beat the path along the wood floors. I know you heard them in your last moments. The tiny footprints of babies present and babies past. Generations of babies have walked those floors. Don't worry my love, I will take the dark haired girl in my lap. I will love her and tell her that you did too. I will take care of the little one without the shoes, her feet will be warm on those hardwood floors.

When I sat next to you that day and watched your body hard at work at holding on, I knew your spirit had already let go. I knew that anything we had to say had already been wordlessly passed on to you. I sat in silence and watched you sleep. You created so many things. A peice of you will always live in the children.

Goodbye Mangee, I am sure that you are with Bampa now. Tell him I loved him too. The same as you. Tell him those things we shared in the last moments and tell him that I am happy that you are together but miss you both terribly.

does it make you feel loved

... to have a cold milk cup dropped on your back while you are leaning foward in your computer chair?

....to have warm drool running down your arm

.... your hair chewed on...

.... boogers wiped on you

.... a ketchup kiss

..... a hurt toe shoved in your face for a kiss

Do you feel loved... or just a little dirty and used? LOL