Sensitive Subjects

Kayla, my child with aspergers, is wonderful and bright. She is a great artist and is always doing something fun. I love getting her papers because you never know what little story will unfold in the edges of the paper. She draws elaborate stories all along each homework page, sometimes it is fish in the sea and other times a collection of monsters. They have great adventures... I don't let on that these are more fun to me than any grade she gets in school. I have always known she was bright but this year others are seeing it too. She was accepted into the GATE program, otherwise known as gifted and talented. Chelsie says that this is a euphemism for annoying. Kayla is real... there is no ego, no bravado, things are what they are. She doesn't realize that it is a huge honor to be accepted into this program and is only excited about the community garden that they will be planting. She scores exceptionally high on her standardized tests but is very lacking in attention span and social skills... an example.

I was given a robe that belonged to my grandmother, it is a large soft fleece robe. I have a great robe already... that I never wear so I thought Kayla might like to have this. It is soft and big.. just right for a kid to wrap up in while watching TV or to snuggle with in bed. Kayla asks "mom, did my grandmother die in this robe? I think that would be cool." I always have to think carefully about how to respond to questions like this to prevent later embarrassment. Kayla is by no means thoughtless or mean. She wants to please people and she wants to be liked but has no idea how to go about this. Death is not a taboo subject for her... neither are divorce, mental health problems, or bathroom discussions. She simply says what is on her mind in an analytical and purposeful fashion. She has no idea that a question like that could hurt someones feelings or make someone sad. I responded "Kayla, your grandmother did NOT die in that robe. I am your mother, it's ok to ask me these questions but many people might find a subject like that sad or inappropriate. I would really appreciate it if you didn't ask other people questions like this." You have to be really clear with Kayla... this subject is not ok in ANY social circles... it's not just me that finds it inappropriate. She doesn't understand that social circles everywhere are pretty much the same and that most people find the same subjects offensive. She nods knowingly... "I get it mom... it's one of those sensitive things. I won't ask anyone else... are you sure she didn't die in this? I would still like it." YES Kayla I am sure!

I am really hoping the subject doesn't come up later anyway... sometimes she just can't help herself.