Babies

The only thing about babies that I hate is how fast they grow!  














We love you all and promise it won’t be so long again until we see you.  

It’s different but it will be okay

2020 marks a year of change and growth.  The youngest children have officially been at home for 8 months.  The older one has graduated high school and is now beginning the process of learning to be an adult.  We have changed and re-arranged to keep everyone safe but still preserve their childhood.  We have picked a group of people that we still see regularly even though we are all somewhat in the community.  Our normal craziness of several trips a year have whittled down to two.  One of them business and one with family that were being safe in their own communities.  Hotel stays that we have become very accustomed to have become an alien experience and a way to learn to be innovative about maintaining our safety.  Up until recently our community had very low infection rates but the places we visit don’t always.  We didn’t eat out and most of our visiting time with family was done outdoors.  We know how to travel though so this was not too difficult.  It was beautiful outside and we explored the forest and the beach with only masked contact with strangers.  There were bonfire nights and sunshine days and we all needed it so much. 

We have shopped for others, brought extra to people in our community when we could and have been rewarded with more of the same.  We have ended relationships that are full of cruelty, anger and deceit.  We have worked hard to cultivate ones that are healthy.  Some of this has not been easy but it has been for the best.  We don’t mind giving but there are people who will take everything you have and still say hateful things about you.  They will twist reality and reverse roles until you feel as if you have gone insane. 

 Less drama and more growth.  Growth of personal and professional relationships, growth of ourselves and growth of our business.  Growth of friendships that feel like family and the ability to really enjoy the closeness of healthy relationships.  There has been a lot of recorded voice texts, FaceTime and hilarious gifs shared.  We have shared true sadness and grief about the way our world has changed. 

This is the year we give ourselves and our home a makeover.  This house is getting old and it’s pieces and parts need rejuvenated.  We replaced the air conditioner and furnace last year.  We need new floors and a new roof this year.  We have been saving and have paid off our credit cards.  We are joining a grocery club for preserving imperfect foods and hope that this program will both help the world with less waste and help us to eat better in our home.  We are relearning how to exercise with some physical limitations and world limitations.  It has been hard to feel okay and be normal in a world that feels like it is falling apart.  We have been immensely busy despite the world slowing down.  In some ways this has been a lost year but in others it has been one of our most productive yet.  We are sorry that some of the people we love did not want to be part of our journey, but we have been building our fire for years and now it burns bright.  

And so it is

Halloween marks the first holiday that you are no longer in my everyday life.  Time seems to move so fast yet trickle so slow at the same time.  We had a great holiday, marked with the usual minor forgetting of a detail here or some lack of time and money there.  I would say it was one of the best ones yet.  Even so, there is something missing, something I wasn’t expecting to lose just yet.  Something I wasn’t ready to be finished with.  We have not forgotten your absence, it has just become less acutely painful.  

If I could only find the words I dream that they won't go unheard.

Oh, 

if I could only make time stand still for a moment.
Capture a memory, live it one more time, would I believe?
That I would really change a thing?
A second chance to get it right?
I think the end is close at hand.
I had a vision I don't understand.

(Is this by Oingo Boingo)

When you are at a place where every choice is wrong the only choice is inaction.  Stop, assess the damage and be still.  Wait to become the nostalgia.  Let go of the dreams you held, the moments that were supposed to be.  Step aside and let the world teach them the things that would have come so much more gently from you.  

Elusive days

Trying to eke out the last bits of childhood before it’s gone forever.  Little moments of time when their friends aren’t looking are the part of their lives that is still mine.  Family traditions that never fail to bring them out of their shell are the spaces in which my happiness resides.  Life is full of difficult choices, compromises and change right now.  It is terrible, wonderful, frightening and exciting all at the same time.  I exist in both terror and joy, apprehension and exhilaration.  

Kid-less most days

It’s not really hard to find things to do.  

First day of school

Look at my nephew 😍😍😍. He is so proud, also he has a black panther backpack.  Avery told him he liked it and he said “thanks for liking my backpack”. 😍🤣